I'm so angry. Or dissapointed, whatever.
Basically I was going to be get with her... that night. Fuck! I can't believe how much this sucks! I can't believe this shit. This is such shit. I had been meaning to get with her for a while now, and my "friend" told me yesterday half kidding that I better fucking do it. And I fucking would have, if it wasn't for the smoking. FUCK SMOKING! I hate nikotine. I hate it. Never did it myself, and always found it disqusting. Promised my mom not to do it, and actually kept that. All my friends smoke, but fuck em. They are guys, I don't really have enough influence over them to stop them. So fuck that... But I actually GAVE A FUCK about her. How dissapointing is this? I tried as hard as I could to fucking stop her. Really hard. I told her i'd leave if she did. I WAS GOING TO ASK HER FUCKING OUT. Why'd she have to ruin it all? But it's more complicated. Like the two hours before she smoked at that party, I had like one "shot" of baileys, slowly, and decided not to drink. Alcohol, when drank excessively, fucks you up. I knew that, so I decided not to do it, which is kind of like me. But anyway, I was sitting there being a moody bitch about my own alcohol issues and her smoking, and my friend's got his drug deal gone wrong issues... And the fucking popularity who knows who circle to circle game, which I did "ok" at. I think. Anyway, a shitload of hot israely girls come in, and it looks like I know some of em. Which is good. I woulda fucking probably at least tried with them, but I was going to ask her out. Fuck, I'm always so full of shit I let opportunities pass me by because of some longshot like I'm GONNA ask someone out. Damn. Whatever... i'm an idiot. So... she lights up, apologises... I take my bag and walk off. It was gonna happen (or was I just looking for an excuse). So what the fuck now? I may go back later, or my drug deal friend may come by and we could hang... but either way, I'm just dissapointed. later.
The point is, fuck. I'm probably gonna go back to the party later with some other friends, but who knows.